anxiety

it doesn't take much

to send me down 

the rabbit hole

to start the chorus

of voices within

holding me captive

to their what ifs 

and oh noes

creating one

worst case scenario

after another

once the wheel is spun

it takes forever for it

to come to rest again

almost impossible to stop

i have become its victim

helplessly watching

breathlessly worrying

it has its way with me

until finally it chooses

to release its grip

then the wheel finally stops

until the trigger is pulled again

it doesn't take much

homecoming

hang on to hope beloved

all is not lost

i am working deeply

in ways you cannot yet see 

those walking in darkness

will see a great light

those traveling through

the valley of the shadow

will find light and hope

for i walk beside them

even if they are unaware

those who toil in the pigpen

will come to their senses

and head for home

they will remember 

where they belong

and to whom they belong

and will come back

so stand on the porch

and keep watching

keep waiting

and keep hoping

get ready to celebrate

because that day will come

trying too hard too

trying too hard 

is exhausting

jockeying to be seen

working to be known

proving my worth

longing to be essential

desperate to be needed

why am i always

trying to prove

what am i always

trying to prove

pressured to perform

climbing to nowhere

then you come and 

invite me to lay it all aside

for in your eyes there is 

no need to prove or perform

no climbing to be great

no jockeying to be seen

the pressure is off

all there is to do is to be

i don't have to be enough

because You already are

dancing with God

somehow the music started

before i even recognized it

you drew me onto the floor

and taught me how to dance

embracing me in your arms

you drew me close

you whispered in my ear

you moved me sweetly

into the rhythms of your love

you showed me the steps

you taught me to hear

the music of your affection

you taught me to move in

perfect harmony with you

leading me as i follow

for our dance is like no other

and yet somehow like all others

only after you drew me into

the cosmic intimacy of the dance

did i begin to understand

how mysterious and magical

how intimate and passionate

living union with you can be
more magical than imaginable

so i will continue

to dance with you

today and every day

for the rest of my days

and on into eternity

big need, big cross, big love

“Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much.  But he who has been forgiven little loves little.” (Luke 7:47) In reality, no one has been forgiven little, some just think they have.  The beauty of the gospel is that only when we know how big our need for forgiveness is, will we ever be able to comprehend how big the cross is, and how big the love of God is.  Big need leads to a big cross, which leads to a big love—a bigger love from God, a bigger love for God, and a bigger love for others.  God’s love becomes bigger than we could have ever asked or imagined.

By contrast, the Pharisees had a small love because of how small they perceived their need to be.  They spent their whole lives trying to reduce their need and had somehow convinced themselves that they had succeeded.  But all it did was make them judge more and love less.  Sound familiar?  It does to me.

Most of us think the goal of spiritual life is to reduce the gap between us and God.  We think that if we can just be better and perform better then we might get closer to him.  But the truth is that the older we get, and the more we get to know God, the larger the gap gets rather than the smaller.  Thus, the cross does not get smaller and smaller but bigger and bigger.  And the bigger the cross gets, the bigger love gets.  The bigger the cross gets the more we realize how wide and long and high and deep is the love of God, which makes our love for him grow in return.  We love because he first loved us.  That’s what the “sinful” woman had learned that the Pharisees had not.  Let’s be like her and not like them.

Lord Jesus, thank you that those who have been forgiven much love much.  Help us to see the enormity of your forgiveness so that we might also see the enormity of your amazing love.

trying too hard

“I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me.” (Psalm 131:2)

We put so much pressure on ourselves to make things happen in life and in ministry, when the only thing we can really do is let them happen.  God is the only one who can make things happen.  We cannot take personal responsibility for things that only he can do, and yet we do it all the time.  No wonder we’re so tired and weary.  But that’s not where it stops, it also leads to other issues.  Issues like busyness, overwork, fatigue, anxiety, insecurity, and burnout, just to name a few.  It is not healthy when we begin to see ourselves as both essential and indispensable to a process that is ultimately all up to God.  In fact, it makes us the worst version of ourselves: manipulative and demanding, always pressing and pushing and forcing.  We live afraid that it's all up to us and terrified that it's not, all at the same time.  Sadly, there's a part of us that actually wants to be essential and indispensable.

If only we could learn the wisdom of this ancient prayer.  If only we could let go of our stubborn pride and arrogant self-sufficiency.  If only we could release our desperate need to be needed and our deep longing to be significant.  If only we could be free from all our compulsions and obsessions and become still and quiet before God.  Then we might finally find ourselves in the loving embrace of our Savior and put our hope fully in him.  Then we might finally be the non-anxious presence this world needs us to be.

weary and burdened

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”  Weary and burdened.  Two words that just seem to go together, kind of like thunder and lightning.  Two words that are somehow intimately connected.  And, sadly, the two words I most often hear as I sit with people who are in ministry.  They are tired and weary, and most often because they are loaded down with the burdens, demands, and expectations of ministry.  Some that have been put upon them and many they have put upon themselves.

The word weary comes from the Greek word, kopiaō, which means to be exhausted with toil or burdens or grief.  And the Greek word for burdened is phortizō, which means to load one with a burden or to be loaded down.  So, it appears that weariness comes about as a direct result of being weighed down with the demands, expectations, toil, and pain of life and work.  It is the residual effect of carrying the overwhelming load of the fears and the joys and the pain and the sadness and the hopes and the dreams and the oughts and the shoulds of both ourselves and others.  No wonder we’re so weary!  No one can possibly carry all of that. 

But Jesus tells us that we do not have to.  He says, “Come to me.  Do not try to carry that load yourself.  Give it to me; I will carry it.  Take my load yoke upon you, not the one you have made for yourself, and not the one the world or the culture has made for you.  My yoke is easy, which literally means well-fitting, and my burden is light.  Attach yourself to me and I will do the heavy lifting.  Come to me and give me your burdens.  If you do, I will give you rest.  I will renew your strength and restore your soul and help you to recover your life.  But you must come to me and let go of the burden.  It is mine to carry, not yours.”

What is the state of your soul these days?  Are you weary or burdened?  What load are you carrying that is not yours to carry?  Why?  Will you come to him, give that load to him, and receive his rest?

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (Matthew 11:28-30, The Message)