stuff

It seems like God is really good at uncovering things, in fact scripture tells us that nothing in all creation is hidden from His sight.  Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account (Hebrews 4:13).  The problem is that sometimes I have a hard time seeing the things that God sees in me.  I guess I've covered them over or buried them deep.  Or I am just too busy or preoccupied to pay attention.  Or possibly too scared.  Whatever the case, sometimes I don't realize that I've got stuff that needs to come out into the open.  Not His open mind you, but my open.  It's just like when God asks Adam and Eve, "Where are you?"  It wasn't for God's sake that He asked the question, it was obviously for Adam and Eve's sake.  They needed to know where they were, what had just occurred, and what the ramifications of that were, so God asks them a question...for their sakes, not His own.  And when He asks moments later, "What is this you have done?" He knows full well the answer to that incredibly sad question.  It was the woman and the man that needed to realize fully what had just happened; an awful realization that they would continue to make every minute of every day for the rest of their lives.
     I don't know about you, but God has a habit of asking me those questions as well.  As a matter of fact, just this morning, as I read the verses above from Hebrews 4, he did it once again.  This time the question was, "What is going on within you these days that needs to be uncovered or laid bare?"  At first I was unaware of anything that I could quickly put my finger on, but then as I sat with Him in silence I began to get a sense of one of the many things he might have been talking about.  It is as if the time and space and silence, and particularly the Spirit, began to help make me aware of things I had not noticed while skimming along the surface of life...or of Hebrews 4.  Suddenly we left the surface and dove deep into the dark depths of my heart and soul.  Or the dark depths of my heart and soul began to bubble to the surface, I'm not really sure which.  All I do know is that I began to see.  Stuff began to be uncovered, laid bare.  Stuff like deep insecurity, and fear, and longing.  Stuff that has an enormous affect on the way I live my life and the way I relate to those in my world, whether I notice it, or admit it, or not. 
     So there you have it.  And to be quite honest, I'm not 100% sure where to go with it from here, but I am sure that having it uncovered and laid bare is a significant part of the process of allowing God to take it and transform it.  I think I had hoped that the older I got the less stuff I would have to uncover, process, and deal with, but I haven't found that to be the case at all.  It just seems that the older I get, the more subtle the stuff is, and the harder it is to see and identify, but there still seems to be plenty of it.  And I guess the thing I'm most grateful for in the process is that God continues to show it to me.  He shows it to me because He cares.  He, more than anyone, wants so much more for me than I even want for myself.  He won't allow me to settle for less than the life and the transformation He has always dreamt of for me.  Thanks be to God!!!