larger and smaller

He must increase, but I must decrease.  John 3:30


Sometimes it can become a little confusing.  Am I supposed to be growing larger or smaller.  By looking at the second half of this verse it would seem that the answer is obvious.  Of course I must decrease.  And that is always 100% true.  But we can never look at the second half of the verse apart from the first.  Because, at the same time, there is something that is supposed to be growing larger within us...Him.  And as the life of God grows larger and larger within me, as I become more and more the one He created me to be, something happens within me that for the life of me feels good and right...and big.  It is not that I am to occupy more space, in fact it is quite the opposite, my decrease is a necessary condition for His increase, but where is He most likely to increase?  In me!  Christ in you, the hope of glory (Colossians 1:27).  So something is growing beautifully bigger within me while something else is growing wonderfully smaller.  God is occupying more and more of my heart and soul, God is turning me into the me he always dreamt for me to be; and it feels so broad and spacious and free and expansive.  So back to the original question:  Am I supposed to grow larger or smaller?  And, of course, the answer is "yes."  But not larger or smaller, larger and smaller.  There is an increasing and a decreasing going on all at the same time.  No wonder I get confused from time to time.  But thanks be to God, for this strange dynamic can mean only one thing...He is at work!