O Lord, do you really delight in me? Could it possibly be true? I have lived as Deserted, Unlovable, and Not Enough for far too long. Those names are planted so deeply within me that I can't seem to uproot them. But you can. For you bestow a new name on me. You call me by a different name. In fact, you call me Hephzibah; My Delight is in Her. For you take great delight in me and long for me to know your delight, to be your delight, and to live out of your joy and delight each day. That is what will make me the best version of myself; the me you intended me to be.
But all too often I live out of my shame rather than out of your delight. Shame not being "I have done something wrong," but "I am something wrong." My shame tells me that I am unlovable, that I can never be anything of real value, that I suck. And unfortunately I listen to my shame. In fact, often I believe my shame more than I believe you. And I live out of my shame instead of living out of your delight. When I live out of my shame it really gets ugly, for I become the worst possible version of myself. And thus, my interactions with others become needy and insecure and clingy and defensive, which has a terrible impact on my relationships. The worst in me calls out the worst in those around me. It is a death spiral of dysfunction.
But when I am able to live in (from a place of) your delight, I am free. Free from needing people so much that I can actually begin to love them. Then your delight in me brings out your delight in them. And they, like me, become the best version of themselves.
O Lord, my God, help me to know the depths of your delight this day; that I may become an expression of that delight in the world. Amen.
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