desperation and dependence

What is Jesus trying to teach you during this season of your journey?

For me it comes down to two words that are intimately connected: desperation and dependence.  Desperation is that “end of your rope” feeling that Peterson talks about in his interpretation of the Beatitudes: “You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope.  With less of you there is more of God and his rule.” (Mt. 5:3, MSG) It is a feeling that comes from a deep sense of despair, an overwhelming feeling of helplessness and powerlessness.  And it leaves us with a very deep realization of our complete and total dependence upon something, or Someone, outside ourselves to come to our aid. 

Thus, desperation creates some of the very best soil for God to do his work in and through you because you are totally out of the way.  A stripping away of strength, adequacy, competence, pride, self-importance, and self-sufficiency has taken place and left us nothing to rely on except the grace and power and love of God.  Which makes us cry out, like so many in the Scriptures and beyond: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me.”  Because mercy is where our desperation meets God’s unfailing love.  It is the stuff of genuine transformation.

So, what’s Jesus teaching you lately?  I would really love to hear.

sanctification

a stripping away

a peeling back of the layers

of strength and adequacy 

of self-importance 

and self-sufficiency 

until nothing is left

i stand naked 

and alone

before you

and you say

finally

i see you

the real you

and it’s the most

beautiful thing

I’ve ever seen

God's mercy is greater than my sin

Henri Nouwen once wrote: “God’s mercy is greater than our sins.”  Unfortunately, we don’t always live that way.  “There is an awareness of sin,” he continues, “that does not lead to God but to self-preoccupation.”  We get so focused on our sin that we take our eyes off our God.  “Our temptation,” Nouwen concludes, “is to be so impressed by our own sins and failings and so overwhelmed by our lack of generosity that we get stuck in a paralyzing guilt.  It is the guilt that says, ‘I am too sinful to deserve God’s mercy.’  It is the guilt that leads to introspection instead of directing our eyes to God.”  Ever been there before?  I know I have.

I get so preoccupied with my sin that I fail to even acknowledge (much less experience) God’s mercy.  I get stuck inside myself and can’t seem to get out, wallowing around in my guilt and shame to the point where I never allow God to come and bathe me in his mercy and love.  Instead, I get caught in a decaying orbit of gloom, despair, and hopelessness rather than claiming the love and life and forgiveness God offers.

“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love,” say the words of the ancient prayer.  “According to your great compassion blot out my transgressions, wash away all my iniquities, and cleanse me of my sin.  For I know my transgressions and my sin is ever before me.” (Ps. 51:1-3) But I also know the depths of your mercy, and that makes all the difference.  Your mercy really is greater than my sin.  It is enough to cleanse me so that I will be clean, to wash me so that I will be whiter than snow.  Help me to truly believe that, O God.  Help me to believe that your mercy is, indeed, greater than all my sin.  For only then will I be free.

a prayer for silence

O Lord Jesus, your words to your Father were born out of your silence.  Lead me into this silence, so that my words may be spoken in your name and thus be fruitful.  It is so hard to be silent, silent with my mouth, but even more, silent with my heart.  There is so much talking going on within me.  It seems that I am always involved in inner debates with myself, my friends, my enemies, my supporters, my opponents, my colleagues, and my rivals.  But this inner debate reveals how far my heart is from you.  If I were simply to rest at your feet and realize that I belong to you and you alone, I would easily stop arguing with all the real and imagined people around me.  These arguments show my insecurity, my fear, my apprehensions, and my need for being recognized and receiving attention.  You, O Lord, will give me all the attention I need if I would simply stop talking and start listening to you.  I know that in the silence of my heart you will speak to me and show me your love.  Give me, O Lord, that silence.  Let me be patient and grow slowly into this silence in which I can be with you.  Amen. ―A Cry for Mercy by Henri Nouwen